Well the fact that you have come here tells me you are not willing to let your relationship just go.
So the question I am going to ask is –
“Are you willing to take responsibility for your relationship?”
Now be careful what you read here. I said responsibility …. not blame or fault.
Once you take full responsibility for your actions and your part in the relationship we can move on to what is really happening. So now you need to ask yourself what can you be responsible for (without blame or fault from either party)? Make a list so we can start to view them together. Really look hard and honestly at the way you make the list. Nobody else will see this. It’s only for you.
Look how you are responsible for the relationship, the way it is and the way it isn’t. Really look at being fully responsible for your relationship. Do you see a relationship as being 50/50? In reality if it’s not 100/100 it will always be in jeopardy somewhere. Look how there were things you could have done, or didn’t do that may have made a difference, mostly these will be around the area of open and honest communication.
Once you truly get responsible for your relationship you can regain some power – The power to now make a difference to your relationship.
You will be at the cause of your relationship, not a victim of it.
Saving My Relationship
There is one common thread in all your relationships. That common thread is in your relationships with your parents, your siblings, relatives, work colleagues and friends. It is also in every successful and every failed relationship.
That common thread and dominating factor is the person in the mirror, that is right, it is You.
So now it makes sense to focus all our attention on getting you to a state of not just being the one responsible for all your relationships, but also the one to make a massive difference to all your relationships.
Have you ever noticed the impact you have on others in your relationships? In other words, how do others remember you? What would your partner say about you to others? What would your relatives, friends and work buddies say about you to others? Would it be consistent?
It really does not matter what, or who you think you are, what matters is how you are being, lands with others. Said another way, it is what you do, and what you say, around others that will have them say who you are.
Now that you know that, how will you choose to act around others? Will you now actually choose to be someone who is caring, thoughtful, peaceful, loving, generous and charismatic? Or will you choose to be demanding, always right, justifying, blaming and making excuses?
It is time to take charge of your life and have it go the way you say.
Have your presence around others be a memorable experience where they are left to only say great things about you. Leave a positive impact on those around you and make a difference with somebody.
And would the perfect place to start be with your partner?
What Can I Do to Save My Relationship?
You could also ask what have I done, or have not done, to have my relationship be in the state that it is in at the moment?
There are two areas to look at here. The first is the areas you have concerns over but zero influence, and the second is the areas you have concerns but can actually have some direct, or indirect, influence over in your relationship.
The areas that you have zero influence in are not worth your time or effort even clogging up your thoughts, things like the weather, or what others may say or think. You can have some indirect influence on what others think only by your consistent actions.
Let us concentrate all our thoughts and actions on the areas that we have total influence on. We have complete influence on how we react to any situation, how caring we can be, how loving we can be, how calm we can be, our attitude, etc.
Saying this in another way, it is how we ‘Be’, that will give what we ‘Do’ in any situation. Looking at it from your partners view, would they want to be with someone who is argumentative and points out their faults and shortcomings; Or would they want to be with someone who is thoughtful, caring and loving?
The key to all this is your consistency. It is how you are being all the time that will have the greatest influence over your relationship, however you need to be mindful, that if this is a massive transformation of your being, that others may be skeptical at first. The old ways will appear from time to time, and this is where you need to stay present, and be aware of how you are being at any given moment.
This will not be easy but it will have the greatest impact of any area that you can directly influence in your relationship.
Empathy in Relationships
Walk a mile in my shoes.
Have you considered what you are like to live with?
Are you ‘hard work’ or are you the perfect partner?
What is it like living with you?
As my wife once said to me “When I married Mr Right I did not think his middle name was Always”
We are but a reflection of what we put out into the universe. If you look for anger and frustration, your world will be one where there is constant dramas and problems, and you may even find your temper gets frayed from time to time. Not a pleasant life pattern.
On the other hand of you live a peaceful life then each problem becomes a challenge where you can apply your skills, with thought and clarity.
So how would you treat a King or Queen or Special guest when they come to visit?
You would probably want to be on your best behaviour, make them comfortable, be friendly and courteous, and have only the best for them. In other words, take away any concerns, as you would for any special guest.
What if your partner was that special guest, or your King or Queen,… All the time?
How would it be if you could take away concerns that they may have, no matter what the size? Sometimes it may be just a simple act of listening at the end of a long and busy day. Would you continually argue with your special guest or have respect for their view?
Mr Right could actually get that there was another point of view.
My challenge for you is to treat your partner as though you were there for them to make their life easier. I guarantee you this will come back to you 10 fold and have them and you living in a peaceful world.
Booking a weekend away or romantic dinner or beach-side picnic may be the perfect start.
How do You want Your Relationship to be Remembered?
How do You want Your Relationship to be Remembered?
Consider the relationship you are in, if it were to suddenly end how would you review it? Would you say it was the best relationship you had where you gave it all and never held anything back? Or a relationship where you never quite revealed all of yourself and held a few secrets, told a few lies, covered up, withheld some information, possibly cheated once or twice?
When you go into a business partnership you take on that business partner because you can see that more can be accomplished with the both of you than you on your own. Not just double but a factor greater than two times. The same can be said of your relationship.
The dynamics that the two of you can produce far outweigh who you can be on your own. Remember when the two of you first got together and there was a feeling that nothing could stop you from having those dreams you had together? Together you were unstoppable and able to conquer almost any obstacle that life was to throw up at you.
What is Love? Is it a Feeling? Or is that lust and desire that we feel?
Consider that Love is a verb, a doing word, something that calls you to action. Do we stop loving someone because we stop taking the actions of someone who is loving? If you took the actions to love your partner every day, every hour, every minute then you would be very much in love with them, and they would see it, hear it and get it in their bones.
You could even regain that feeling of invincibility once more, when those actions are reciprocated. So play the game of love flat out, no more holding back.
No more making your partner pay for the actions of past loves that may have let you down. Not just being in love, but doing what it takes to be someone in love.
Remember it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.